DEAR CHICAGO SUBURBS

DEAR CHICAGO SUBURBS

Dear Chicago Suburbs: It’s been awhile, but you guys have even managed to gentrify the gentrified. Wow. I wasn’t sure …

DEAR BANANARAMMER: 

DEAR BANANARAMMER: 

Dear BananaRammer:  There was once a time when Southwest Airlines was the gold standard for cool, funky, laid back flying. …

DEAR KATHY GRIFFIN

DEAR KATHY GRIFFIN

Dear Kathy Griffin:  I never thought I’d live to see this day. Where I’m kind of, sort of, marginally on …

DEAR CHRIS CORNELL

DEAR CHRIS CORNELL

Dear Chris Cornell: Today, I am a man. With the whole gender fluidity thing the young ones are bringing to …

DEAR NOAM CHOMPSKY

DEAR NOAM CHOMPSKY

Dear Noam Chompsky: It’s not every day in 2017 that I get to sit across from someone on a plane …

DEAR REPUBLICANT’S

DEAR REPUBLICANT’S

Dear Republicant’s: Guess who’s back? The REAL Slim Shady! Everyone’s favorite dickbags, the GOP!!! And just like that raging case …

DEAR NOT SIENNA MILLER

DEAR NOT SIENNA MILLER

Dear Not Sienna Miller: Listen, I’ve been there. You sucked enough cock and starved yourself by eating ramen noodles every …

DEAR CAPITALIST PIGS

DEAR CAPITALIST PIGS

Dear Capitalist Pigs:  I like money. And I like freedom. Growing up in America, you operate under the delusion that …

DEAR BABYMAMA

DEAR BABYMAMA

Dear Babymama: I feel ya, sister. There you are, standing in the middle of the desert/ocean/mountains/trailer park wearing ill fitting …

DEAR LIFE

DEAR LIFE

Dear Life: Ouch.  SS PS. We can do better. #namaste 

 DEAR FOX FUCKERS

 DEAR FOX FUCKERS

Dear Fox Fuckers: I am no fan of “mainstream” media. Their artificial reality carefully manufactured over decades has created a …

DEAR WOMEN’S DAY STRIKERS

Dear Women’s Day Strikers: I get it. You’re pissed. You’re sick of being treated like second class citizens, unfairly burdened …

DEAR STUPID SPICE

DEAR STUPID SPICE

Dear Stupid Spice: I think I just heard you tell some other dumb whore that you could somehow “just tell” …

 DEAR REFU-SHES:

 DEAR REFU-SHES:

DEAR REFU-SHES:  I get it. One minute, you’re on top of the world, snacking on moldy bread crusts you found …

DEAR INSTAGRAM

  Dear Instagram: Do me a favor, ok? Inbox me and let me know which picture I posted that led …

DEAR CUNTFACE

DEAR CUNTFACE

Dear Cuntface: I don’t really have anything else to say. It’s just that I have called so many guys dickheads …

DEAR BILL CLINTON

DEAR BILL CLINTON

Dear Bill Clinton: At first, I wasn’t sure. I mean, I WAS sure. In the sense that there is really …

DEAR SHERYL CROW

DEAR SHERYL CROW

Dear Sheryl Crow: With the 2016 Election Day looming, I woke up yesterday with one, singular thought burning in my …

DEAR CLIMAX JERKY

DEAR CLIMAX JERKY

Dear Climax Jerky: Riiiiiiight. Ok.  Let me guess.  The next kiosk I see is going to be “I TRIED TO …