Dear CVAss:

Listen. No one wants to spend any more than they have to on pantiliners. In fact, if I had to think about what item I would like to spend the least amount of money on, in aggregate, over a lifetime, feminine hygiene products would rank right up there at the top. I mean, maybe not at the very top. I pride myself on never buying napkins. Mainly I just steal a bagful every time I go to Chipotle. They just leave them out by the hundreds. Like some sort of apology for the fact that you’re going to be wiping every orifice of your body for the next eight hours after you consume their meat-like products. So let’s just suffice it to say that I am not big into spending extra cash on paper products.

While I am with you in sentiment, it strains credulity for anyone to believe that CVS is going to accept a Walgreens coupon for Walgreens brand pantiliners. CVS does not carry Walgreens brand pantiliners. That’s kind of like driving through the McDonald’s drive-through and demanding that they accept a coupon for a Whopper. I mean, if you were going to take that Whopper and use it to absorb fluid draining from your cooch. Then it would be like exactly the same thing.

You know what I mean.

Please leave.


PS. It is not helping that the only other thing you are buying is a giant can of spicy pinto beans.

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