Dear Not Larry Kudlow:

My boyfriend recently accused me of using carefully chosen language during conversations in order to leave myself so many outs, that I never actually commit to a position. Given the fact that he is a lawyer, I took his exasperation as more an admission of defeat than an insult. But I digress.

He has a point. If there is anything I know, it’s what I don’t know. I don’t know most things. Or anything. So mainly, I just spend my life ripping on things I find to be absurd, with the full disclaimer that it’s merely my perspective, based on nothing more credible than the fact that I am a product of the American school system (barely), my German ethnic background and my all around unwillingness to put any energy into productive pursuits.

Which brings me to you.

I get it, Not Larry. Money talks. A lot. It rules our lives in so many ways that it becomes difficult to separate financial motivations from any others in daily life. So I understand why you and your travel companion were engaged in a lengthy rejoinder about real estate, retirement, and your varying investments. What I DONT understand, is why it had to be at full volume when no one else on the plane was talking. I mean, if I wanted to have CNBC on constant loop in my right ear while I was trying to eat candy in my sleep, I would have stayed married. And please don’t get me started on how many basic errors you made while discussing your financial acumen. When you don’t know something, it’s ok to just say you don’t know, instead of subjecting us all to your flawed economic theories for three plus hours.

For example, its EBITDA not EBI-Duh.


PS. Stop gangstering my style. #railsshirt

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