Dear Travel Expert:

It’s late. I’m tired. 

Ok, wait. 

It’s early. I’m tired. No need to announce that you are a Southwest Airlines regular, nor regale us with clever antecdotes articulalating your masterful ability to “trick the system” when you get a Group C boarding pass.  We know you’re a pro. Your broad pelvic area is tailor made for saving two seats, one for yourself and one for the lucky lady who gets to finish off the morning reach around that you’re only sixty percent done with. 

Please stop. No one wants to see your vinegar strokes. 

SS