Dear Kiran Gandhi:

You ran the London Marathon while on the rag without a tampon in order to “raise awareness” about women who have no access to feminine products AND to encourage women to not be “embarrassed about their periods.” 

I’m not sure exactly what you were hoping to accomplish. I mean, sure. There are women in this world who don’t have tampons. And a big part of the reason some of them don’t, is that they don’t have toilets. Or sewer systems. Or any place to dispose of paper products. Or clits. I feel like a big part of having access to feminine hygiene products is living in a culture that values hygiene. And clits. And not every culture does. 

But you know what? Western culture does. And London is part of Western culture. A big part. The British love pussy. It’s well documented. Harrods has an entire section of open knickers on their lingerie floor. Ian Fleming created the character Pussy Galore to let the world know that no matter how effeminate British men may seem, they love the pink. Plus, you know, Margaret Thatcher. So no matter how much I thought about this, I could not figure out what in the fuck you were trying to tell the world by showcasing your blood soaked bush. 

Finally, I decided to go to the source, and read your blog, where you wrote that you believe that running a marathon sans tampon is “one way to transcend oppression.” This confused me. A lot. I mean, you are the one who went to Harvard Business School. So maybe I just don’t get it. If tampons are oppressive, then why are you upset that not all women have tampons? If bloody legs equal freedom, then it seems to me that the women you claim to want to help are the most liberated motherfuckers in the world! 

Here’s what I think. Some dude/chick you are banging wouldn’t go down because you were on day one. And we all know how day one is. So you were pissed off because you didn’t get off, and just figured you would make everyone else suffer right along with you. But because you went to Harvard, you decided you needed to try to make your pussy stench revenge seem political. But then you were tired because you didn’t get off, so you barely slept and you didn’t think this all the way through and you forgot that NOT WEARING A TAMPON TO FIGHT OPPRESSION DOES NOT SUPPORT THE THEORY THAT ALL WOMEN NEED ACCESS TO TAMPONS.


Either that or you’re just a fucking idiot. 

Or both.


PS. Of course now that I’ve been focused on this all night, I just got my period because it’s synced with yours. Thanks a lot.
PPS. I’m going to use a tampon, though. Because I’m not prepared to be a freedom fighter right now. I just don’t have the courage of a Harvard graduate, you know, that special bravery it takes to make everyone around me see and smell my uterine lining. 

#kirangandhi #londonmarathon 

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