I get it. One minute, you’re on top of the world, snacking on moldy bread crusts you found in a hole under your dead neighbor, and the next, your dreams are shattered as you are cruelly, temporarily, maybe, possibly, denied entry into a country you have never been to, know nothing about and have zero right to live in. Then, suddenly, the moldy bread crust is rendered a death sentence. Even if it’s just temporary. I mean, you didn’t think it was a death sentence before. You were fine with it. But now that you’re not getting your way immediately? All bets are off.

A terrible reversal of fortune at the hands of Lady Liberty herself. Very sad, indeed.

But you know what’s even worse?

The fact that you brought children into the world, knowing that all you have to give them is a bite of a moldy bread crust you found in a hole under your dead neighbor.

You know this.

This is your life.

All of your neighbors are dead. You have no food. You’re constantly under siege. I know, I know. It sounds like the plot of the new Jennifer Lawrence/Ben Affleck movie. Only it’s not.
It’s your life.




Yet somehow, despite the hardship, you found the time and place to fuck and have multiple children! This misfortune is not a NEW situation. You didn’t have an entire loaf of bread at one point in time, and then lose it. You have always eaten moldy bread crust. You are half dead yourself! Yet somehow, fucking was top of mind for you. Which seems weird to me, since I love to fuck but even when I have a mild cold, choking down on my husbands boner is not in the cards. I feel like if I, myself, was starving/dying/lethally oppressed, I would basically keep my legs closed for business because the LAST THING I WOULD WANT is to have anyone I claimed to love suffer because I brought them into a totally fucked up situation. I feel like this is the very essence of successful parenting. Having your child survive. If you can’t survive, how fucking selfish are you to bring an innocent child into your misfortune?

Do the world a favor. Give your husband a hummer and get back to trolling for scraps. Now I AM sorry that you have to troll for scraps. I really am. I wish that no one ever had to do that. But even more so, I wish that people who have spent their ENTIRE LIVES trolling for scraps would STOP FUCKING. Its not that difficult. Americans do it all the time. That’s why we have such a booming porn/divorce lawyer industry. Besides, your husband is an asshole, anyway. Nobody really LIKES anyone else. We’re just stuck with each other. The Scandinavians hate each other so much, they aren’t even reproducing to replacement value!

Here’s the deal. If you thought your life was good enough to have a child, then you thought it was good enough. You’re not from a newly repressed country. Your life has not changed AT ALL. It has always been the way it is now. The child is not a bargaining chip for you to use to improve your situation. It’s not irresponsible for another country to take extra time to consider your entry. It’s irresponsible for you to spit out a child you can’t take care of. Maybe you’ll get lucky and your situation will improve. But if it does, it is certainly not due to any unselfishness on your part. It’s just that.


You know. It rhymes with fuck.

As in “your offspring are all fucked because you are too fucking selfish to stop fucking.”

Knock it off.

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