Dear Women’s Day Strikers:

I get it. You’re pissed. You’re sick of being treated like second class citizens, unfairly burdened with more than you can handle and no actual power to implement favorable solutions. It sucks. John Lennon summarized it quite appropriately over forty years ago.

“Woman is the nigger of the world.”

John Lennon said a lot of things. And guess what? He said them while he humiliated his first wife by denying their marriage for the sake of publicity during the early years of The (barf) Beatles, then followed up with numerous adulteries including one with his future second wife, Yoko Ono, whom he then cheated on repeatedly with May Pang and various other dumbasses.

You know why? Because he’s a man. He wanted to sell an image and pretend to care about women. And black people. Only he was a Colonial Brit, so he didn’t give one shit about either.

Americans somehow believe that the British are these uber evolved, socially responsible progressives who should be emulated by peasants such as our own populace. Nothing could be further from the truth. London is super fun and hip, no question. To visit. But the British are mired in a time warp of colonialism. They actually still have royalty. That’s still a thing. In 2017. And people care about what these random inheritors of land, wealth and prestige are doing. Never mind that they are largely inbred, shamelessly racist and actually of German descent. Why bother with reality when there is a ready fairy tale complete with arranged marriages (the epitome of feminism), millions of dollars of jewels and other stolen artifacts from former (now completely insolvent) colonies, and those cool British accents?! Plus, you know, not one single person of Asian or African descent in a position of power. Ever. Yet they love to lecture us on how unfairly Americans treat each other.

But I digress.

America’s misplaced romanticism of our former rulers is only part of a much larger cultural self loathing that continues to bastardize well meaning expressions of free speech such as the, uhh…umm… amalgamation of feminism and economic disadvantage you have planned for International Women’s Day.

A strike! Wow! It’s like 1917 all over again!

Apparently this desperate bullshit is on the docket in order to demonstrate to men that women are super important and can’t be replaced!!! But here’s the thing: You CAN be replaced. Anyone in an economy can be replaced. By machines. By animals. By other people. By changing business models. All systems, by definition, seek efficiency. And like it or not, men still run the show. If there is one thing that should be abundantly clear to women by this point in history it’s this:

Men are not very picky. They settle. They go for what makes their immediate life easier. Think about it. Men are pretty fucking disgusting when you get down to it. They invented things like blumpkins, the teenage sex slave trade, butt plugs, water boarding and televangelism. They spend $50 to eat garbage like bone marrow, sweetbreads and pork cheeks. Then they go home and shamelessly Dutch oven whoever is unlucky enough to be in bed with them that night before demanding a 30 minute rimjob. And that’s on a good night.

They treat each other like shit. They don’t maintain long term friendships because they see everyone else as competition. They lie all the time, and then they lie about lying. They start wars for fun. They kill each other. They create shamelessly racist and sexist institutions and force participation. They think they are superior to all other men and constantly create new and increasingly fucked up ways to prove it. (See: MMA, NSA and NRA)

But somehow, these fuckheads are supposed to see your value, because you have a pussy?

Guess what? If that’s your criteria, they will for sure ONLY value you for your pussy. And no one gets kicked to the curb faster than an uncooperative whore. Except an old, uncooperative whore.

Men are not legally required to treat you any better than they treat each other. And they treat each other with zero respect. Life is hard. Work is called work for a reason. It’s fucking work. No one owes you respect. Respect yourself and join this place called “reality on planet earth” with the rest of us, instead of trying to create a fantasy land where you take a day off, make a bunch of dudes who already are barely tolerating you do extra shit and then expect them to kiss your ass because they missed you. You don’t need the approval of the same group of people who invented the Cleveland Steamer, nor should you want it.

Stop begging. It only makes guys want to fuck you doggy style.

SS

PS. My husband wants me to thank you for including the “avoid spending money” part of the day. Wow. That’s a REAL killer for men. If there’s anything dudes love, it’s when women spend money!!! Well done!!! (golf clap)