DEAR NOAM CHOMPSKY

Dear Noam Chompsky:
It’s not every day in 2017 that I get to sit across from someone on a plane who blows through his own copy of The Economist, The Wall Street Journal AND Scientific American all in one sitting. As a lover of financial markets, science, and a former magazine/periodical addict, I have to say BRAVO! Way to keep it old school! 
As a person with functional ears, however, I must insist that next time, try to see if you can pull this off WITHOUT chewing at Mach 3; mouth agape, rhythmically munching whatever you have jammed in your face hole in synch with every word you are absorbing. Not to mention the now hundreds of wrappers strewn around your seating area. 

Ok. I mentioned it. 

Gross. 

I mean, I get it. The Economist IS riveting. But if you’re this into magazines, I can only imagine what your work space/ kill room/ torture chamber/ toilet laboratory looks like. 

Take it down, a notch, Doc. I can smell your breath from here. 

SS

PS. Thanks for keeping it real by giving me a “Bruce Jenner” happy ending. For a minute, I thought you were legitimately interested in those other subjects! #whew

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