Dear Alaska Airlines:

I get it. You had this kind of aloof, loner persona going, like the new kid who always sits in the back left corner and never talks to anyone, but then it turns out he holds like four video game patents and is worth 50 million but has to finish high school in order to fulfill some weird dying wish his great uncle had. But then the Pailin family came along and jammed you up. So you decided to swing off of whatever remaining mojo Richard Branson may be able to squeeze out of his ever sagging peanut sack, and merge with Virgin America.

I mean, why not? At least TRY to become hip before Branson’s hip needs replacing.

One piece of advice. I get that Virgin likes to promote their multiple ventures by playing loud pop music at their counters, on their planes and basically anywhere they can. But I feel like the actual LAST song I want to hear, when boarding your coffin that is about to be suspended in air, is “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child.

Think about it.

Yes. I’m gonna make it. Are you?


PS. Please remove Che Guevara from your emblem, it’s just too confusing at this point. Even the Castro’s are sick of it.

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