DEAR JIMMY DEAN

DEAR JIMMY DEAN

Dear Jimmy Dean: Finally!  This is how the pros do it.   Jesus, I was wondering when someone was going to …

DEAR STONE SLADE

Dear Stone Slade: Until today, mercifully I had absolutely no idea who you are. For some bizarre reason, you were …

DEAR ACL ASSHOLES

Dear ACL Assholes: Ok. I know I’m old. I mean, I dragged my saggy ass over here at 2:30 with …

DEAR DR. ORAL

Dear Dr. Oral: Ok.  I could just stop right there. I mean, I kind of want to. Because in a …

DEAR VOTERS

Dear Voters: It’s almost “that time.” When all registered American voters, dead and alive, exercise their will through our process …

DEAR HILLARY

Dear Hillary:  I get it. You don’t want to go on the record. Really, no one does. And who can …

DEAR FAIRTIME

Dear “Fairtime:” Do the world a favor. Take down that fake, patronizing sign and have the guts to say what …

DEAR CITY PEOPLE

  Dear City People: I know your story all too well. Anything we can do, you can do better. We …

DEAR L.A.

Dear L.A: It’s great to be back. #youknowwhy SS PS. I love you just the way you are.

DEAR RANDOM:

Dear Random: Umm… Apparently, your last name is… “Cockins” Uhhhh… I have nothing to add. SS PS. Never mind.

DEAR FESTIVAL NOVICES

Dear Festival Novices: Everyone loves to rip on the Millennials. They’re lazy. They’re entitled. They refuse to buy into the …

DEAR LORNE MICHAELS

Dear Lorne Michaels:  As if it wasn’t bad enough that you continue to subject your, umm… “audience” to the eternally …

DEAR BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

   Dear Bruce Springsteen: I know they call you “The Boss” but that seems like an elitist term for a …

DEAR AEROSTWATTLE 

   Dear Aerostwattle: Clearly you are a master of many things, including travel. For example, unfortunate haircuts. Close out sales …

DEAR PRO-RAPE FUCKER

   Dear Pro-Rape Fucker: I get it. It’s not easy being a man today. In the civilized world we now …

DEAR MOBILITY SCOOTER FUCKER

 Dear Mobility Scooter Fucker: I get it. You can’t walk. Or you don’t want to walk. Whatever. Despite this challenge, …

DEAR AMERICA

   Dear America: I admit it. I do not like Thanksgiving. To me, this is a holiday that combines everything …

DEAR MEN OF DALLAS

   Dear Men Of Dallas: From the beginning I knew something was a little bit off about you. You SEEM …

DEAR LUCKIEST MAN ON EARTH

   Dear Luckiest Man On Earth:  I have never been so jealous of another human being in my life. There …

DEAR KIRAN GANDHI

   Dear Kiran Gandhi: You ran the London Marathon while on the rag without a tampon in order to “raise …