DEAR SHITTY MOM

Dear Shitty Mom: That’s right. I said it. You’re a shitty mom. And an even worse human being. I get it, Shitty. You’re tired. Your hole is blown out from fisting, lounging on the toilet (lid up) for countless hours while you give yourself a “home pedicure” and the ravages of gravity. Your other hole is blown out, (see: above stated reasons + years spent as drug mule/professional felching instructor.) Whoever was so stoned he forgot to pull out and blow a load on your face (a.k.a. your absent baby daddy/one time life guru) is no help. You have to … Continue reading DEAR SHITTY MOM

DEAR BACK TO SCHOOL BUTTHOLES

Dear Back To School Buttholes: It’s that time of year again. That’s right. The time where every American parent of children twenty five years old and under posts a cluster of awkward pictures of their progeny headed back to prison – I mean “school” – for yet another tedious nine months of state sponsored brainwashing. And just like every other artificially imposed milestone we have in this country, it is fucking meaningless.   Before you bother asking, yes, I CAN believe that another year has flown by. Do you know why? Because I always have super deep thinkers like you … Continue reading DEAR BACK TO SCHOOL BUTTHOLES